Crossovers Suck
by Nidia.Ceylon
Summary: Kagome thought life was hard! What's a girl to do when she's tossed about. *A crack fic of serious proportions that will spotlight anything and everything*


Crossovers Suck

Rating: T for Too Many Ideas  
>Genre: Humor x Drama<br>Pairing: Kagome and ?  
>Universe: IYxYYHxHellsing x Naruto are the main shows, but there will be more!<br>Summary: Kagome Higurashi thought life was hard; being dead is worse. She's not only got a bloodlust to conquer but now all these strange beings are seeking her out. This just proves there's no rest in death! A crack fic of serious proportions!

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><p>Author's Note:<p>

I am not bashing crossovers because I write them, rather frequently. My mind is so jumbled with ideas that Whispering Kage recommended that I try crack. So here I am, trying crack at close to midnight and deciding that this is what I have to show…no matter how suck-ie

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><p>A Legend is Killed!<p>

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><p>One of these days you'll wake up dead.<p>

It was a something that Miroku had said in an offhand conversation and laughed off. It wasn't possible to wake up dead. Once eyes shut in a dying moment they were to never open. Kagome had been there for many moments of watching such things. Fact was, they were six feet under and they weren't climbing from their graves anytime soon.

"You'll work yourself to death Kagome-sama."

She felt her eyebrow twitch and she turned a glare to the violet eyed monk. He laughed at her as he leaned on his Shakujo, the rings clinking together as he smirked at her. Kagome stuck the shovel in the small mound of dirt and glared at him. All the death comments were starting to get to her.

"Not funny Miroku," Kagome grumbled and continued to glare.

He gasped and placed a cursed free hand to his heart and stated, "Burying Rin's dead pet is such hard work!"

Kagome gave up and growled. She had been in the feudal for a week and already she was beyond sweaty and dirty. Inuyasha was helping to fix the huts in the village and there had been no time spent with him. It had been Miko this and Miko that, but she had taken the duties in stride. Gripping tight the handle of the shovel, this was the last straw no matter how good natured. Satisfaction set in as she saw his eyes widen in fear as she chucked the shovel at the monk. He screamed and dodged the projectile.

"Careful Miroku, you'll catch your death!" Kagome growled back.

"If looks could kill, you better avoid mirrors!"

Kagome took off after him. It didn't matter that the shovel was left behind; she was going to strangle that monk. When the village came into view she couldn't help but take into sight the ominous dark cloud over the hill coming toward them.

"Miroku!" Kagome called out, but he was already far too gone.

Kagome merely stared at the darkness before rushing in the direction Miroku went. It would be good to alert Kaede of the coming darkness. She could only hope that she wasn't being too cautious.

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><p>The attack came without notice.<p>

Well, there was plenty of notice, but they failed to react. The scent of blood caused her stomach to curl as she notched an arrow and sent it flying. Its glow illuminated the darkness and she watched as the body turned to ash. She couldn't understand; these weren't youkai and yet these decaying bodies were attacking. It was almost like the time Yura used bodies as puppets.

Sunken grey flesh and glazed eyed were fixed on the living. She notched another arrow with determination and fired watching as a few of these corpses lost limbs and the one targeted turned to ash. She gaped in disgust when she saw the injured ones still trying to climb and attack. Sharp teeth sunk into her shoulder and she screamed in pain. Kagome reached around with her free hand grasped the hair and pulled free of the attack. Instead of a body she held Kirara in her hands. The nekomata meowed in apology and Kagome exhaled; relieved it was an accident.

"The universe is against me," Kagome muttered as she let Kirara go. "I am not dead!"

Her screamed words were enough to send Kirara running and get a few of the villagers to look at her. She glared and ordered them to focus before she continued to attack. If it wasn't Miroku with the dead jokes it was now Kirara. She hoped this wasn't some sign of her future. A scream pulled her from her thoughts and she raced toward the sound. Now was not the time to be lost in thought but saving lives. Kagome pulled free the Tanto hidden at her hip and quickly slashed the decaying human's throat. The head fell to the ground and she exhaled as she looked to the child cowering by his hut.

"Get inside!" Kagome ordered.

Fingers dug into her ankle and she reacted bring the Tanto down and slamming it into the skull of the dead being that had grasped her. She channeled her Miko ki and the dead thing turned to ash. Kagome pulled free her weapon and turned only to have her eyes widen.

"Such a strong, yet stupid girl."

The woman was beyond beautiful. Her hair was burgundy; a dark shade she had never witnessed before in her life. Her eyes were the color of wine and dark with something she couldn't name or understand. She tilted her slender neck and curved her pink lips into a smile that graced her pale face and made it deceitfully angelic.

"English?" Kagome questioned in confusion.

There weren't any English speakers in Japan she had come across. The woman chuckled; a soft melody. She wasn't even sure if English had made it the country as of yet.

"I grew so bored in my lonely tower and decided to travel," the woman sighed as she placed a hand to her chest.

Her outfit was something that Kagome had never seen before. It looked antique. The emerald green dress reached black heeled boots, the white of bodice was frilled and the collar reached up to the woman's chin, slightly open at the throat. It didn't matter that she had a cute matching hat pinned to her hair, but she smiled and Kagome wondered what this woman was, she wasn't human. Her fangs were proof of such, but she didn't sense youki.

Kagome didn't have time to react because the woman had slammed her to the ground, dislocating her shoulders and making her arms useless. Her back cracked with the impact causing her to cry out. A sharp nail ran along the curve of her cheek as the woman stare down at Kagome.

"Such beauty," she murmured.

Kagome screamed as the woman leaned forward and sunk teeth into her neck. Her flesh tore and her scream died as she applied more pressure. Something whispered in the back of her mind that she wasn't going to survive this. Her arms were useless and she felt something warm slid down her neck.

'Blood…she's drinking my blood!'

The woman lifted her bloodstained face and smiled down at Kagome. Tenderly she traced Kagome's cheek and then grinned as she leaned forward. The Miko tried to struggle but darkness was overcoming her vision as the woman's crimson gaze burned through her darkness.

"Not yet," she murmured.

The strange woman pressed her lips to Kagome's. Prying her lips apart with her tongue the woman kissed deeper. Scrapping her tongue along her teeth she smirked into her bloodied kiss as she forced her blood into the Miko's body. Pulling away she listened as the heartbeat ceased and then she got to her feet. Daintly, she dabbed her mouth with a napkin and sighed. Her crimson eyes took in the sight of her dead ghouls and she figured that boredom had been settled for now. It would be interesting to see the outcome, but she didn't much care. Chaos would be the result and she was happy with that.

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><p>The burial of the Kagome Higurashi had been sad day. Many tears were shed when they found the Miko bloodied on the ground, battered. With care, they had decided to bury her beneath the Goshinboku so her family may learn of what happened since the Well had long since sealed.<p>

"I should've never made those comments!" Miroku whimpered as Sango held him.

"Dumb Monk," Inuyasha growled as he glared at the man.

Logically, he knew it wasn't the man's fault, but he felt bitter. His time with Kagome had been beautiful, but short. Now, all he had was a grave to visit. It shouldn't have been this way. Kaede voiced this during her few words as she wished Kagome a better life wherever she ended up. Hopefully, it would be somewhere good.

"Are you going to say a few words?" Sango questioned as she eyed the Hanyou though her tears.

Inuyasha's ears twitched as he responded, "She's six feet under and I can still hear her complain!"

With those words he dashed off. It was odd to say, but he swore he heard her voice though muffled. Yet, she was as dead as Naraku now. There was no way he could be hearing her voice because she was now gone. Inuyasha growled and punched the nearest thing; a hut. It was sent crumbling to the ground. Amber eyes stared at the mess and he figured he better get back to work, Kagome would want him to move forward.

Little did anyone know, Kagome Higurashi banged on the wood of her coffin as she cursed her life. She didn't know why she was in a dark small box, but she was pissed.

"I heard that Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed as her nails scrapped the wood.

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><p>Darkness.<p>

It concealed everything, but her scent. She didn't know how much time had passed, but she knew that she needed a bath and she was hungry. Eventually, she had tried biting herself; but the pain and soiled skin made her spit her wrist out. Life as whatever she was sucked, because she wasn't really falling asleep and her own stench was revolting.

'Karma?'

It couldn't be Karma, because Kikyo wasn't that bad and she had surely lived a much better life. In the end she had done the right thing in the end. So here past life didn't look that bad. Kagome reached up and dragged her nails against the wood and earned a bit more dirt into her face. She snarled and slammed her head upward hoping to knock herself out.

Graves were a waste; no one came to visit her. She hoped that the others, when they died didn't get visitors. It was a bitter thought, but she was in a bitter mood. Resting within her uncomfortable wood coffin she shut her eyes and let the stench of her own body knock her out.

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><p>In the Future<p>

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><p>Her grave appeared the same day those strange people appeared. Souta couldn't ever remember a grave marker behind the Goshinboku, but it had Kagome's name. It wasn't that the Sunset Shrine wasn't popular, because it truly wasn't. Yet, these weren't the normal visitors despite their appearance. If anything, Souta was sure these men were demons; at least the punk in the green shirt was. His youki wasn't tamed and it leaked off him like a visible stench. The other man just had a high spiritual energy that was very controlled. At first Souta thought he might be a priest; like himself but the volatile youkai friend made him question his appearance. . His brown eyes narrowed as he focused on them as they gazed down at the grave marking his sister's resting place. It was when the punk with the slicked back black hair kicked her marker that he was forced into action.<p>

"Do you not have any respect for the dead?" Souta growled as he moved forward and pushed the punk back.

The man with the funky red hair laughed at his action, but didn't move to stop Souta.

"That's what you get for being a jerk Yusuke," the red head laughed.

Yusuke, the punk in question moved toward Souta with bad intention. The young boy smirked as he used his broom to smack the punk in the face and then used the handle to trip the man onto his jean clad rear.

"What the hell!" Yusuke snarled as he hit the ground. "I thought priests were peaceful!"

Souta smiled as he replied, "I'm only in training!" His eyes narrowed as he tightly gripped his broom and questioned, "Now, please explain why you were defiling my sister's grave?"

The red head stepped forward and introduced, "Kuwabara Kazuma and this is jerk." Yusuke protested. "Is my friend Yusuke." Kuwabara scratched the back of his neck thinking of how to phrase this, but finally decided to say, "Look kid, we have good reason to believe you're sister's not dead."

Souta blinked and glanced at the grave. There was no way for her to be alive because Miroku had left a specific scroll writing about her death. They had found it within the Well's wood. Despite her being in the past, he knew his sister had fallen prey to a demon and was now buried under the Goshinboku.

"I don't know what joke this is, but it's very rude!" Souta growled with a glare pointed at the man.

"No joke," Yusuke grumbled. "Your sisters somewhat alive and we need her help."

"Somewhat?" Souta questioned and then held up his hands and shook his head. "First, before I kick you off my family's property. I want to know who you are!" It was time to let him know he was serious. "And I know what you're hiding."

That caused them both to tense and he hoped that they wouldn't take him for some normal human. He hadn't worked with that witch, Yuko Ichihara for nothing. Granted, he had paid a hefty price; but he had come into his potential for his spiritual powers. He leaned against his broom and kept his gaze intense on the two. Slowly, a smirked curved his lips.

"You work for that little brat, Koenma," Souta chuckled with a grin.

Yusuke cracked his knuckles, "I don't like ya' kid." He took a step forward and Souta lazily remained lounging on the broom.

"I don't care," Souta assured. "My sister's grave will not be disturbed."

"Well guess what?" Yusuke snidely questioned. "We're digging her up with or without your permission."

Yusuke lunged and Souta scoffed at the brutish attack. He hadn't worked with his mistress for nothing. She had granted him a master that would teach him everything he needed to succeed. Souta took the broom and tapped it against the stone path. Yusuke stopped in his jump as he watched the broom transform. It brightly shined white before fading into a golden staff with a diamond tip and rings. They blinked; his school uniform had transformed into a white two piece outfit.

"What the hell are you?" Yusuke snapped.

Souta brightly smiled, "A priest in training."

Priest or not, Yusuke threw a punch and the kid lifted his staff and deflected the attack. So, he wasn't some freak. The kid knew how to fight which were both a good and a bad thing. Yusuke upped his speed and found that the boy was keeping up, blocking every punch without much effort. Finally, Souta spun from the hit and crouched low as he used the staff to smack Yusuke across the knees causing him to fall to his knees.

"Botan said not to fight!" Kuwabara snapped as helped Yusuke up.

Yusuke shrugged off his grip and grinned, "I'm going to solve this easily!"

Souta tensed as the man charged at him. He was prepared to block the punch and as he brought his staff up Yusuke dodged under the attack. Yusuke smirked and threw his fist back and rushed toward the grave. Determination fueled him as he pulled back and slammed his fist right above the grave. Souta and Kuwabara both blocked their faces as dirt exploded everywhere. When the dust and dirt cleared the air Souta's mouth dropped when he saw Yusuke stand beside a very large hole His eyes narrowed.

"You jerk!" Souta hissed.

He was going to kill Yusuke that much was clear. Souta didn't expect to wooden boards flying out of the hole nor did he expect to see Yusuke stepping back while holding a hand over his nose. Souta's eyes widened when a blackened and dried hand reached up and gripped the side of the hole. He couldn't believe the dried up face that appeared as the creature pulled itself from its grave. It hissed and squirmed as Yusuke jumped back with a disgusted look.

"Koenma said a vampire, not some disgusting corpse," Yusuke snapped as he pushed Kuwabara back.

"Sister?" Souta called out in confusion.

She hissed at the sound of her name and Souta grit his teeth as her dark eyes locked on him. Yusuke cursed as the corpse blurred out of existence. They held their breath hoping to hear movement. The sound of branches moving and they all jumped when she fell from the tree and to the pavement. Hiei landed beside her with bored look in his crimson eyes.

"Fools," Hiei muttered. "She needs blood."

It was flick of his wrist that his sword was in hand and Souta's hand bleeding. The boy hissed as blood dripped to the ground in puddles.

"Just cut his hand off you shrimp!" Kuwabara growled.

A soft lapping echoed in the air and they turned their gazes to the girl licking the blood from the stone. It was no longer a husk; but a petite woman with a long tongue dragging across the stone. She threw her head back and deeply inhaled the air with flourish as she licked her lips. Slowly, she stretched long limps to the blue sky and laughed.

"Finally, I'm free!" Kagome laughed with a grin.

"Sister?" Souta questioned in confusion.

She blinked large sapphire eyes and grinned widely; showing off a set of cute fangs. Faster than they could see her; she lunged at Souta and tightly held him.

"You've grown!" Kagome laughed. She only reached just below his shoulder and she opened her eyes with a smirk still in place when she noticed his staff. "Someone's got a sister complex!"

Souta blushed and pushed her off finally noticing that she was dressed in a white robe and smelled horrible. He waved a hand around his nose to clear the stench.

"You stink!" Souta blurted with a twisted expression.

"Jerk," Kagome grumbled as she raised a hand to punch him.

Yusuke blocked the attack and winced when he heard something pop in his hand. He winced and shook his hand free of pain.

"Listen lady," Yusuke began as he massaged his hand. "Our boss wants to talk to you."

Kagome cocked a hip and stated, "I've in a box for the past five centuries and refuse to do anything!" She promptly stuck out her tongue with a smirk.

Yusuke snarled, "Listen closely you rotten corpse!" She bristled at the insult. "Japan's been invaded by vampires and we need your help."

Kagome pointed to herself and asked, "Why me?"

"Because Miss," Kuwabara interrupted. "It's because you will inherit the powers to control the Blood Countess lineage."

Kagome held up a hand and stated, "I'm not doing anything till I get a bath."

"Vampires like water?" Yusuke questioned.

Kagome snarled as she glared at him, "I need to shower and nothing; not even death will stop my road to hygiene!"

"Just hurry up!" Yusuke snapped.

His world became black as she slapped him into the cement.

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><p>Somewhere else<p>

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><p>It had been ten years since war had ended and Master still had yet to return. With great endurance; Sir Integra had continued Hellsings mission with Seras by her side. The day had come to an end and Integra was grateful for nothing happening. The last ghoul attack had been a day ago, which was a mystery since she didn't know of any existing vampires that could create ghouls.<p>

"I've found nothing, Integra."

The shadow merged out the wall and her favorite vampire stepped into the room. She smirked; she remembered when her eyes had been blue; but they were crimson and the mark of a true vampire. The girl had come into her nature, but still holding the morals of her humanity.

"The situation is odd, Seras."

Integra could admit that much. She could understand supernatural things; but true vampires were becoming rare. She reclined in her chair as she looked at the ceiling and wondered if Alucard or even Walter would have an answer.

"Oh!" Seras exclaimed. "There have been strange happenings in Japan!"

"Such as?" Integra questioned.

She put a finger to her mouth as she replied, "Some Ninjas blew up a bus."

Integra dryly stared at Seras and wondered if her brain was rotting. The phone on her desk rang and she picked it up with an equally dry 'what.' Seras watched as Integra's eyebrows rose.

"A ninja and a demon fighting in a park?"

She slammed the phone down and shook her head in disbelief. Seras leaned forward with a grin and tilted her head.

"Orders Sir?"

Integra nodded and said, "Kick whatever creature's ass is causing trouble in Japan!"

Seras smirked and replied, "Chin up Sir, at least we don't have to deal with K.I.R.C.H.E!"

Integra nodded in agreement, the thought of dealing with Germans caused a shiver to run down her spine.

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><p><span>Author's Note:<span>

So, this is crossover crack and will include a whole world of different universes! I plan to use the cliche plots and anything else I deem neccasary. I will even be making fun of my own fics! So, welcome to crack-fest galore that will be randomly updated!

PS: If you think I add should add something crackish, go ahead and shout it out!

Next Chapter:

**Enter the Ninja!**


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